The past couple of months have been a running battle. There is no point in denying it or trying to wrap it in flowery words. It has been a case of pushing relentlessly at a wall that almost never budges. And it kind of caught me unawares as the chaos that preceded it at least helped me be prepared for this.
I have not always carried responsibility with a great deal of comfort. Some people do that with a great deal of grace. I am clumsy-by-default and often struggle with being responsible for anyone else other than me. Yet, as I am given to doing often in life with things I am not good at, I have kind of brute-forced my way into being acceptably bat at it.
Even so, the changed life from the past 6-months just provided an entirely different take on it all. The greatest hit this impact it had on my life was the near-eradication of reasonable amounts of time that could be allocated to just taking some time off to reflect and talk to myself.
And those two things are my greatest centering mechanisms and without them it is just gets increasingly difficult to have clear view of where I am headed within myself. And it is still not there in place at all.
This is just a first crack at acknowledging it in words.