Winter of discontent……..
Sometimes it is not enought that you give all to life. Somehow things fall short, people stop short, you struggle on all fours to make it there, miserably failing, the world wathches and laughs, friends foes all…. It always falls short, love, hate, care, concern, dislike, name it….. its never ever enough.
Lost
I have a strange feeling my life is spinning out of control. I am just holding on to the edges wherever possible. Everything is getting to be just a blur. The new year has been horrible of late. I have a feeling something is going to give pretty soon. I am exhausting my precious little stock of sanity at an alarming late.
The few things that I hold on to to give me direction are giving away. People that I rely on suddenly are begining to look like strangers. Is it some conspiracy or just that I have been making bad judegements all my life? I have been wrong, but it cannot be possible that I have been wrong all the while no?
EoF
Silence
Am still picking up the debris. It had to crash, excess baggage in loads and it did. Its still scattered all over….. and people who were near got splattered with it…
I am picking up all of it, throwing it into a room, locking it firmly shut behind me.
Something that you cannot see, cannot be there. Something that you do not look at, you cannot see.
I do not want to see it any more, just shutting down a part of myself, do not want it with me.
Hope it will die with time, even otherwise I do not care, so long as you keep the wound under loads of dressing and not look at it ever you will get used to it and forget that it ever exists.
Call it a resolution or whatever, what has been happening in the recent past with me will not happen again, think i am better off without the humilation…….
appy budday
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge………. hugs and thank yous to all da ppl who made this day soooooo special to me:
Daads, Shaj (no words for these two coz the know me best and words are a waste of time to try and express wot is between me n em, in fact wubbe kinda insulting too), Vij (booooootyful cards…… been a pleasure knowin ya :X) , Reshu (for stayin up till 12 and being the 1st one to greet me on the day, sunita (mah dearest darlingest onliest bongie), neena (quite an accent dat was. but u are the best ever ukno wot;) hehehhe )
thanx again
Light
Sometimes loss can be the best of things that can happen to ya. After a long while I think I have decided for real to make a move. Not to wait for people, their lives, emotions etc…. These all are wot I have on offer…. take it or just walk away… you are important to me but I refuse to have my life depend on that.
Decided to let someone go….. Kinda feels so funny to have that happen again.. so familiar the whole process has become…. but i do not know.. i need more from ppl and their lives, its charitable etc being in the backgroud for ppl and to be good entertainment for them once in a while but i cannot he honestly expected to have my life depend on that.
People say i am changing…. mebbe i am. No i defenitely I am. I also need to survive. Maybe its permanent. Maybe you all will hate me after this. But its a fact and life does not deal in fantasies…. just fact and fact remains..
EoF
Neutral
Nice soft music, almost alone at work….. living comfortably in my bubble, at peace, cancer stick on my lips, slightly levitated mentally that is, on schedule, can’t see worries coz rearview mirror is smashed out (i did it), headlights out, bills pile up, so does paperwork, all needs on hold, want to make the moment last, cannot understand the need for dope when your mind can give you the best kick, smoke risees in so many imaginative vortexes, mind wants to follow them like a child chasing a butterfly, thoughts swirl around me, tea is brilliant, very sweet & strong with a spot of ginger, another sip, winter is lovely, sit alone with yourself and the thoughts my only loyal companion, satiated, food waits on table, ants want the first bite of it, other than that a few inanimate computers give me company alongside the unorganised organiser neglected cellphone on which no one calls, bottle 1/10 filled with water (rough estimate), wish i c’d get into their world as an inanimate object and give them all life, that will need searching, do not want to search……….
Insane
Broke a resolution yesterday…. It was not even for me…… It was for a pal… Why? I donno… I have no clue.. I knew I sh’d absolutely not have done it at all.. It just upset a carefully bulit up sanity and life system totally… so much so that I am feeling unbelievably horrible…. and wot was it all about? something that might not even happen. right now am in a huge mess….. cannot think straight…. i am screaming like hell frm the inside…… why am i like this? i live in a complicated manner… life sucks then and everyone has a problem widdat… i make my life simple….. sort out the little niggly things dat take up so much of my time… and people hate to believe that i do not have many issues then and its for real…… they go poking around telling me there is something wrong…..
Errr….. terror strikes India?
Pity they dinn kill even a single empee…
Read more
ATTACK ON PARLIAMENT: The Indian Express
Stuck
Move move move move move. Need make life move. Resolutions to patience are like mucho wasted…. AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGhhhhhhhhhh……
EoF
hahahahahhaaha
Man I love Tom C Greene at the Reg, read this and you will understand why:
Witness if you will Microsoft Outlook and Outlook Express, the two most efficient virus propagation utilities ever devised by human intellectual failure.
Read more of the story at the Reg here