Call it an epiphany or call it whatever you would want to, but when you are up late in the night, largely unwillingly, in a strange room full of snoring people, aided by the laptop that beams out today’s Orkut’s fortune as “Our first and last love is.. self-love” you’d have to admit that life has a stellar sense of irony or something like that. It all harks back to a time long gone and situations that I just don’t fancy ever being a part of, if I could have my way. But life does extract its two penny worth of revenge every now and then by making sure you that don’t have it all your way, at least not all the time.
If it can’t be irony, then it has to be the proclivity for life’s events to repeat itself that must be commended with a royal gesture like the Nobel Prize. It was about a similar set of circumstances, after being in the same building, that I’d written rather bitterly about on this blog a couple of years ago. But this time, there is no déjà vu. I am not about throw in the towel, sport a major sulk, half a pout and despair endlessly about how it is just not worth it and how things will always suck. Thankfully, things have changed at my end, but I can’t help but wonder how much change is actually good, right or even justified.
As things stand, I have very little in common with my roots anyway. Not that I care much about it, since I do enjoy most of what I do these days without any regrets, but it does have a funny angle to it when the dear mother mentions on more than one occasion that ‘back then’ you never used to be this way, which is again a sentiment echoed by acquaintances/friends who have run into me after a very long time. Though I can’t exactly say that I am unmoved by the derision I’ve felt way too often in the past couple of days, I’ve honestly been intrigued more this unrelenting progress of the self into the unknown without any particular reason behind it.
In a weird way, I am getting to know myself – the real me – in all its good and awful glory for the first time in my life. It feels like fresh, warm blood flowing into veins that have remained dry for a lifetime. It is a journey of discovering the most basic and tiniest of things that most would have taken for granted for most of their lives, even at the risk of sounding like an imbecile most times these days. But for now I think I should get some sleep. It is past 2:30 in the morning and the snoring has subsided in line with the gradual demise of my questions regarding what the hell am I doing in such a cramped set up when I could comfortably be sleeping in my bed at home.
Then again, remember the part about revenge. Yes, that is what this is all about.