I have largely lost the urge to write much these days. I do question my ability to write much too. But the lack of a calling of sorts to commit to words experiences, thoughts and everything else that used to fill up this space means ability doesn’t even come into the picture.
As the world gets more social and sharing online becomes the default mode for most digitally-enabled people, I seem to take great comfort in having a wee bit more of privacy that accrues from not doing that anymore.
Maybe it is that I do not have that much of control over my time or interactions anymore in my daily life. Maybe it is that the last 12-months have been so tough that being able to sit and reflect itself has become a luxury of sorts. How can words express thoughts that have not yet formed?
I wish it were possible to do this without having to work hard at it. As I am growing older, I seem to prefer the company of far fewer people and even fewer conversions. For someone who used to love talking a lot to a handful of close friends, even that is tiring these days. I am perfectly OK not having my thoughts heard by a lot of people; especially those who do not know me personally.
Thoughts, they come and go. During these very hectic days, where I do have to interact a lot on the work front, the personal thoughts get little attention. Yet, not much changes in the world. The existence of the thoughts and their impact on the world around is fairly minimal. Hopefully, even after this hectic phase gets over I can hold on to that realization.