I do not know if this is some sort of a penance, for crimes that I may have done and crimes that I may not have. In its doing, and under repeated questioning, all I can see is that this is nothing of that sort. There is really no reason behind this other than that I wanted to do this. There is no medal, there is no point being proven (I am not absolutely sure about this), there is no reconciliation, there is no favour sought or given. All that is there is to this is what you get to see.
There were moments, not too many, where the past threatened to come rushing in. Vendetta, vengeance and the ever-present whiff of the unfairness in even the “now” – they all made a beeline to make their own presence felt loud and clear. There were half-moments, not too many, where I felt I would freeze, as the beeline rampaged and worked hard to tear the delicate fabric of the “now”. Forgiving someone is easy to do in words. At the core, where it matters and hurts the most, it is the hardest. It is not that I don't doubt if I have indeed forgiven, as I have often said, but I guess I managed enough to not have that stand in the way today.
If there is any, the only burning ideal is to live by the heart and the heart says not to surrender, at any cost, to anyone, the happiness you have earned, the hard way, in life. Thus freedom gets another companion that will never be allowed to go to waste. We will always live free and we will always live happy. It is within us to choose the lives we live. It is within us to choose what we hold on to. It is within us to choose what we let go. It may well be that the line may fall. It may well be that “free” and “happiness” may not strong enough to survive the worst. If the line were to fall, it will fall being free and happy.
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