The month is always an interesting one. It brings about the best and worst of things in this little world of mine. I love the hazy mornings, shivering my way through getting things done and the rekindling of a romance with the northern plains that started over ten-years ago. But there is also the shadow of the inevitable breakdown in relationships, the strong accent of loneliness in every movement of life and a rawness inside that neither the cold can't numb nor the odd moments of sun can soothe.
Even before winter came around, it was known that this December would be tough. Actually, not. It is easy to excel in making predictions, post factum. This year, actually, was meant to be different. And as far as different goes, it has indeed wound up being different. Just that it is not the kind of different I was looking for. Not to say I had nothing to do with it all. I decide, each time and every time. It is my choice, each time and every time. Even if the choices are often not that great.
I have almost developed this pet theory. That life follows a four-year cycle, 360 degree turn that spans 1440 days. At the end of it we start right back where we started — knowing, believing and understanding nothing — to build it up all over the next four years before we lose it all again. I think the secret elixir to life is to not ask. Not that I would know. Even if you were to hit me with a shovel in my face, I'd probably just glance a bit in your direction, say “oh” and walk on.
There is nothing poignant in being a butcher. All you ever do is to introduce meat to metal, dismantle the whole into parts. There is gore. There are parts strewn around. Every four years you sort it all out, clean it all up and pretend it is all behind you. But, as a butcher, all you'll ever do is to cut, chop open. All you'll ever have are the remains of what you've just killed. Once you've been a butcher, there is nothing else you can be.
All that you are ever left with for company is blood, remains and ghosts of the souls who have long departed those bodies.
Meat sells rather well in December. You don't need to wonder a lot as to why.
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